Lily's Eyes
by Erimentha
Summary: Remus Lupin reflects on how some things remain to remind us of others. A bit melancholy, but I hope it is still enjoyable. As for the ship... it's not one I'd sail on, but it was perfect in this instance.


Lily's Eyes

**__**

~*~

Disclaimer : The song, "Lily's Eyes_" is from the musical "_The Secret Garden_", taken from the highlights which were recorded by Polydor Records in 1995, and written by Marsha Norman & Lucy Simon . The musical itself was adapted from Frances Hodgson Burnett's novel of the same name._

~*~

Strangely quiet, 

and now the storm simply rests, to strike again.

Standing, waiting, I think of her.

I think of her.

Lily. She'd always been just that. Never Lils. Never Miss Evans. Never anything else. Just Lily. Just like me. I'd always been Remus. Never anything else. Well, except for Moony. But only James, Sirius and Peter called me that. To everyone else, I was just Remus. And she was just Lily. And he.... He was just James. He was the one who she fell for, who swept her off her feet, who loved her as much as she loved him.

Never anyone else.

She married him, they had a baby, everything was picture perfect. Ironically, they often commented it seemed too good to be true. 

It was.

They were murdered. Killed in cold blood. Together, on All Hallow's Eve, 1981. For some inexplicable reason, their young son, little Harry, was impervious to _Avada Kedavra_, and he survived them.

But he disappeared, and I thought I'd never see him again.

Then I read that he'd started at Hogwarts. Hogwarts. That one word, it conjured up such mixed emotions - excessive joy. Pain. Sorrow. Happiness. Bitterness. Regret. 

Why, Sirius? Why did you betray them? I thought they were your best friends. Lily, James.... Peter. I thought we were invincible. I thought we would be together forever. I thought our lives were going to be happy. I thought.... but it doesn't much matter what I thought now. What's done is done. The past is beyond us, there's nothing we can do to change it. O God, I wish you could have shown us a way to do it, though. 

Almost three years later, Professor Dumbledore offered me a position at Hogwarts. I was reluctant to take it initially, because of all the associated memories, but the inducement of seeing little Harry Potter once more was too great. Additionally, Sirius Black had escaped from Azkaban. It didn't bear thinking about how, but there was a possibility he may be after Harry. I'd do my best to prevent that. 

So in spite of my wretched curse and half-life existence, I was appointed the _Defence Against the Dark Arts _teacher at Hogwarts. And I would see Harry. And things would be better. I'd forget about the past, once and for all, and enjoy a fresh start.

I didn't count on being reminded of her. But that was what happened. As the noises of the night waned and slowly subsided into the darkness, I stood looking out the window, thinking of her. 

The reason? I'd seen Harry. 

__

Strange, this Harry, he leaves the room yet remains.

He lingers on.

Something stirs me to think of her.

I think of her.

God help me. He's James all over again. Except he looks older and more tried than James did at thirteen. And he's got... Why of all her assets did she have to leave him with... They only make me think of her.

From death she casts her spell,

All night we hear her sighs, 

And now the boy has come who has her eyes

He has her eyes,

Harry's got your eyes, Lily. The same entrancing green. He's got them, and they're going to haunt all of us that knew you. He's got your eyes.

The boy has Lily's emerald eyes.

Those eyes that saw him happy long ago,

Those eyes that gave him life and hope he'd never known,

How can we see the boy, and miss those emerald eyes.

I can remember the first time James waxed lyrical over those eyes. And I can still remember the marvellous roasting Sirius gave him once he admitted he'd finally felt something more than mere liking for a girl. 

What joy she brought him. You could always tell when they'd sneaked off together to chat or kiss, their faces couldn't disguise the ensuing geniality. After their first kiss, Lily was what made him happiest, who provided him with the greatest happiness and hope. Looking into Lily's eyes gave him such peace and contentment. Sirius and Peter never understood it, but I did. 

I felt it too. And now her memory stays with me, like another curse. Have I not endured enough already, that this too becomes my burden? 

He has her eyes, the boy has Lily's emerald eyes,

Those eyes that closed and left me all alone.

Those eyes I fear will never ever let me go.

How can I see this boy who has her emerald eyes.

Her memory lingers on, yet we feel empty. Her presence is no more, yet we remember her face. But now all that we tangibly have left of her is her son. Harry. And every time I look at him I see her eyes.

In Lily's Eyes a castle, this house came to be,

And I her bravest knight became, my lady fair was she

Lily loved everyone. She brought out the best in us all. We were all her loyal knights, she our revered lady. But it was James who was the knight in shining armour. Ours was brassy and old in comparison. It was he she wanted, never any of the rest of us, to be her lover. 

It hurt. 

Because I remember what I wanted, and what I knew I could never have.

He has her eyes, he has my Lily's emerald eyes,

Those eyes that loved my friend and never me

Those eyes that never saw me, never knew I longed

To hold her close to live at last in Lily's eyes.

I wished them happy. I really did. They each deserved that happiness that the other could provide. I just wish she could have realised how I felt. I wish she could have seen how it hurt me to see her so engrossed in him. She never gave me a cursory glance, except as his friend. To her, that was all I was. 

Imagine me a lover!

I longed for the day she'd turn and see me standing there

Would God had let her stay

In my most desperate moments, as I await the onslaught of the full moon, I tell myself it could have never worked. She was meant for James. James was meant for her. I was a werewolf. I was destined for loneliness. 

I could offer her nothing, James willingly gave her the world. 

They shared their happy world with each other, until Sirius betrayed them and their world tore apart, taking their lives in it's downward spiral. Why couldn't she have lived? Why couldn't Harry have had parents? Why did it have to all end that way?

He has her eyes

Harry's got her eyes. Whilever Harry's around, Lily's going to be there too. How am I going to forget? Those eyes... I'm forever lost in them. In memories of the past, both haunting and happy. When will it all stop hurting? 

We're forever reminded, through Lily's eyes. Her most precious and beautiful features, those eyes which drew us all in, and left us stranded by her death. They're an alliance of beauty, and a reminder of tragedy. 

And he's got them.

He has my Lily's emerald eyes. 

Those eyes that saw me happy long ago

How can I now forget that once I dared to be 

In love, alive and whole

In Lily's eyes.

In Lily's eyes.


End file.
